After not posting for a long time, I must say so much has changed. Got my second job, my second own place, a temporary nonpro license, my first trip to Boracay and my first airplane trip with Bryan. My life has been moving too fast… but not fast enough for me to miss this wonderful song from my favorite show ever - America’s Best Dance Crew:

Forever
by Chris Brown

It’s you and me moving
At the speed of light into eternity yer,
Tonight is the night to join me in the middle of ecstasy.
Feel the melody in the rhythm of the music around you, around you
I’m gonna take you there, I’m gonna take you there
So don’t be scared
I’m right here baby
We can go anywhere, go anywhere
But first it’s your chance,
Take my hand come with me

Forever (ever, ever, ever)
Forever ever ah.

If you ever find someone else…
…whose eyes you would look into…
…whose hand you would hold forever…
…whose lips you’d want to kiss everyday…
…whom you would take out to dinner and/or movies…
…whom you would go on an out-of-town trip with…
…whom you would design tarps for…
…whom you would miss every second…
…whom you would call or text everyday…
…whom you would lend a shoulder to cry on…
…whom you would be willing to come back for given unlimited resources…
…whom you would be forever loyal to…
…who would make you smile whenever you’re down…
…who would never give you headaches…
…who would make you proud to be her boyfriend…
…who would never break your heart
…who would do all the things I can’t do for you…
…who would make you do things you can’t do for me…
…whom you would love enough to leave me…
…I can’t promise I won’t fight for you
even if I know that it’s a lost cause
But please remember that I excluded one item here
because you can never make me believe
that anyone could ever love you more that I do
I love you so much and pray you never meet her
because I fear the day on which the only way
to prove I love you so much
is to let you go

I usually try to face my fear of failing. It helps me live life a little more. And by living life a little more, I mean conquering my greatest frustrations… one of which is being a performer. Specifically, being in a rock band…

I did it. By singing You Oughta Know in an Alanis Morisette medley. It felt great to perform.. It felt even better than the fact that we won versus Chevron and Petron.

1) On the Jasper Jean bus I rode to work this morning, several voices started to exclaim: “Usok! Usok!” First, I smelled it… then, I saw it. Smoke was coming from somewhere at the back and inside the bus. We all had to get off and wait for another Jasper Jean ride.
Thank you, Lord that the toasted electrical stuff didn’t develop into wild fire.

2) We had to vacate our work area this morning because something was wrong with the ventilation system. We were advised by the clinic to find a different floor to avoid the health hazard. Thank you, Lord that I have a cold thus, I hardly detected the odor that everyone was complaining about. My head did start to hurt after a while but so far, the only thing unhealthy about me really is sleep deficit.

3) Before going home to where I stay in Makati, I decided to look for a Smart wireless center or a bayad center to pay for my internet application. I couldn’t find a Smart branch in Glorietta so, I  tried paying at an SM payments section only to find out that even if SM bayad centers are Smart-accredited, they don’t accept first time applications. Strange that the text from Smart Bro said: “accredited payment centers.” Anyway, I asked three or four Glorietta and SM personnel (including customer service representatives at SM bayad center) for the location of the nearest Smart store and they all seemed to claim that there is no Smart center in both Glorietta and SM. But I checked with Greenbelt entrance guard and he seemed confident that there is a Smart branch in G2. I ended up going home because it was almost closing time for mall shops, and upon browsing ClicktheCity.com a few moments ago, I found out that Greenbelt guard is right. Well, thank the Lord I realized that there is still a store I don’t know in Glorietta.

4) On my way home, the tricycle I was riding started breaking down… After two attempts by the tricycle driver to fix the problem, I gave up and chose to walk through the rest of the way. This would have been a breeze except I’ve been carrying a laptop in my back-pack and I’ve been walking all over the malls in Makati in search of a store I didn’t even find. Thank the Lord I got home safely.

At the end of the day, I wonder if a lot of people get bad days like this one. But maybe I should just be happy… and thankful that I am still alive and able to tell these stories.

Once again, a dream:

I was traveling with family in what looked like the old Alcasid tamaraw, except it had a door at the front passenger seat. For some weird reason, my parents were alternating as they occupied either the front passenger seat or a bike right outside the front passenger seat. My sisters were with me at the back of the tamaraw and I was joking around about an old rock song that sounded like it was sung by Guns N’ Roses but I can’t really remember if it was even a song that existed. All I recall is that I was singing the lyrics differently.

We had to take a pit stop so that my parents could transfer the bike and make it tail the ride instead. Mama and Papa looked really happy as they tried to re-attach the bike to the tamarraw. I noticed that they looked a lot younger… and that was when I couldn’t stop laughing and making jokes because in my mind was an entertaining memory of my sisters fighting in the Alcasid tamaraw back when we were still small children, causing Ate Dona’s cap to fly out of the window, never to return. Sad as this memory may be, in this dream, I never felt closer to the old days I missed. I was undoubtedly… elated.

It’s strange and a bit depressing that when I woke up, I felt so cold and my body was aching all over…

In my first dream, I was baby-sitting a lot of cats… about 15-20 of them. Then, they all started to try escaping through large gaps in white metal gates. I was trying to keep them within the gates but they were so many and so persistent. When I gave up, I called them “Bitches!” and one cat - a white one with yellow patches jumped at me, scratching and clawing at my arm or hand.. I woke up.

In my second dream, I was going to Baguio with my family. But there was a storm and all the roads leading to Baguio were ruined. A broken billboard’s main frame almost hit me, if i hadn’t moved away in time. I warned my sisters of the danger (because my parents were not in that scene) and they managed to dodge the other falling pieces of the broken billboard. Then, I was with my parents, looking for a path. We walked through a vast beach resort, hand in hand (me in the middle of my parents, not sure where my sisters were but I think they were around). My feet touched the water many times.. I think we stayed in a room in the resort and I saw the white bed I was to sleep in.

In my third dream, I was in a store.. where there were weird characters that looked like computer-generated graphics. The store was supposedly successful because they took very good security measures. One guy (this is the only character I distinctly remember) was a perfectly round gray head pretending to be a ball with two baseball bats covering his face and a baseball cap covering his head but the baseball bats were actually binoculars that he would use for store surveillance. The others thought his measures were not necessary but he defended his method as the reason for the store’s success.

I woke up feeling very cold.

It’s been a long time. I’ve graduated. Cum laude, with the highest GWA achievable given my standing before my last semester. I’ve been on a real summer vacation - which I haven’t had for five years. I visited Caylabne for the second time, Splash Mountain for the nth time and Puerto Galera for the first time. I also get a regular dose of KTV, a newfound addiction for Bryan (old addiction for me) - Encore, Music Match, Red Box, Time Zone, and even the coin-operated things in SM Dasma. Adik kung adik. Oh, yep, Bryan’s back from the States but he’s leaving pretty soon, which is sad. But I could probably concentrate better on my review for the board exam when he’s gone.

I’m also reviewing for GRE (Graduate Record Exam) which I’m getting before the end of June. I’ve been looking for a job and it’s a little disappointing how everything I worked hard to achieve in college can’t seem to get me the job I want. Maybe I’m just impatient. But my mind is set on taking my masters to get into R&D and it seems that there isn’t much time left to wait for the right kind of industrial experience before I start studying again. Still, I don’t give up… because I want to know how it feels like to earn a living, to not have to ask my parents for money, to be able to buy my family things I usually can’t buy for them. I feel like crying because I’ve done what I can to make myself the kind of person a company would want to hire but I really hate waiting… especially for companies that are not even professional enough to finalize my application after almost a year of saying I have a sure job waiting for me. Those who know me can tell which company I’m talking about. Yet if I allow my bruised ego to eat me up, I can never show such company or any other company, that I am the person they’d want to hire.

The search continues… but time is running out.

Your Love
Alamid

you’re the one that never lets me sleep
to my mind, down to my soul you touch my lips
you’re the one that i can’t wait to see
with you here by my side i’m in ecstasy

i am all alone without you
my days are dark without a glimpse of you
but now that you came into my life
i feel complete
the flowers bloom, my morning shines
and i can see

your love is like the sun
that lights up my whole world
i feel the warmth inside
your love is like the river
that flows down through my veins
i feel the chill inside

every time i hear our music play
reminds me of the things that we’ve been through
in my mind i can’t believe it’s true
but in my heart the reality is you
+++++

I love you very much, Bryan. Thank you for all the times you could’ve left but didn’t. And thank you for our love. I feel older after each year we celebrate together. But I’m not afraid because I feel blessed to be the one growing old with you.

Happy Anniversary, Bryan. Thanks for making me so freaking happy. I love you. =)

Ate as Pinocchio: “I’m a real boy!”

Den as the Ace of Spades card soldier from Alice in Wonderland

Nikki as Queen of Hearts from Alice in Wonderland

Queen of Hearts from behind (trying to make the skirt look a bit fancier there)

I love costumes. Although I wish I had more resources to really re-create the Queen of Hearts, I did things ala Project Runway. I redefined the conventional Queen of Hearts, and struck a compromise between practicality and aesthetics.

I’m getting old… I was one of the oldest people who attended the FR/Semender that started last Sunday. We caught a glimpse of the beautiful sunset. How sad and beautiful it was… The day was ending like a sad goodbye from one of the brightest, kindest and most beautiful people I know. I want to see her again. What am I saying? I have to see her again.

Here I am, with Leian and Mau, gazing at the sunset, complete with dramatic poses:

And here I am with Ayza, Billie, Halley and Len, taking advantage of the beautiful background:

All smiles in a night filled with songs

Ang saya maging Alchemist. Pero kung minsan malulungkot ka na lang dahil maiisip mo na darating ang panahon… na di mo na sila makakasama, at sana mas maraming okasyon na katulad nito.